THOUGHT THURSDAYS

The real issue with the Ntshangase leaked video and the intersectionality of domestic abuse

Addressing the permeating normalisation of Domestic Violence on SA television

South Africa has a huge problem of violence and addressing the issue of domestic violence requires a nuanced understanding of the intersectionality of African culture and the dynamics within the black family structure, including the agency of children. While it’s true that South Africa has a significant violence problem, including high rates of domestic violence, it's essential to recognise the unique cultural and social factors that contribute to this issue.

Intersectionality of African culture, gender roles and history of violence has a significant influence in attitudes and behaviours surrounding power dynamics within relationships and notions of family hierarchy. Traditional gender norms and patriarchal values contribute to the perpetuation of domestic violence, as women and children are often marginalised within these structures. To address domestic violence effectively, it’s essential to adopt a holistic approach that acknowledges and respects the cultural context while prioritising the safety and well-being of all family members, especially women and children.

The portrayal of women staying in abusive marriages in popular television shows: The Wife, Gqeberha: The Empire, Adulting, and most recently, the outcry of the leaked abusive video of the family of popular reality star of #MommyClub, to name a few, reflects a harsh reality faced by many women in South Africa and around the world. Abuse is multifaceted, ranging from financial, emotional, physical and verbal abuse, as depicted in these shows. However, each layer has tremendous consequences affecting the entire family. As a result, children are viewed as passive bystanders in situations of domestic violence; when they are often directly affected by the violence leading to long term emotional and psychological harm. Children’s feelings and experiences are frequently minimised or overlooked within family dynamics as evidenced by the current societal and social media discourse.

In many traditional African households, patriarchal norms dictate that the man is the “head of the household,” with authority over decision-making and family matters, while the wife is often viewed as the supportive “neck.” These archaic gender roles perpetuate power imbalances within the family dynamic and contribute to the normalisation of authoritarian parenting styles. However, in a democratic society, children have rights, including the right to live in safe environments free from exposure of and direct abuse, violence and neglect. The Domestic Violence Act 116 of 1998, as amended, clearly articulates the intentional exposure of a child to any form of domestic violence as an act of domestic violence in itself. An important amendment, bringing it in line with the provisions set out in the Children's Act, of 2007.

In most instances, where a woman experiences violence in the household, children are bound to be affected, therefore the idea that “children must stay out of adult matters” is disingenuous and unrealistic when they are part of the family structure and household.

The recent Twitter discourse of the leaked video highlights the contention that arises when traditional notions of authority and discipline clash with the recognition of children’s rights and agency in a democratic society. Authoritarian parenting styles, characterised by patriarchal ideas that children must not be heard but seen, are abusive. It stands to reason that if we view children as casualties of domestic violence, they cannot simultaneously be passive members of the family network. It is crucial that society views them as rather active participants in their own lives and experiences in order to end the cycle of violence in black families. The harmful norms of silencing children, demanding that they stay in their lane, undermines children’s autonomy and denies them the opportunity to advocate for their own rights and safety.

The country’s history of violence, oppression and systematic injustices has left a legacy of unresolved trauma, particularly within black families who were disproportionately targeted and affected. Many parents carry with them unresolved traumas from their own upbringing, which can manifest in various forms of dysfunction within family relationships. Issues such as abandonment, infidelity, domestic violence, emotional neglect and other forms of abuse may be perpetuated across generations, creating intergenerational cycles of trauma and harm.

Children who grow up witnessing or experiencing violence within their families are indeed at risk of internalising these behaviours and normalising unhealthy dynamics, a challenge we see in the rise of gender-based violence. Without intervention and support, children become adults who struggle to develop healthy relationship patterns and coping mechanisms, perpetuating the cycle of violence. It is essential for society to recognise this departure point and acknowledge the deep-rooted challenges facing families affected by intergenerational trauma. By understanding the historical context and addressing the underlying issues contributing to family dysfunction, we can begin to break the cycle of violence and create an environment conducive to building healthy and loving black families.

Over 19 900 women were victims of domestic-related physical and sexual violence, as reported in SAPS 3rd quarter crime stats. The reasons why women stay in abusive relationships are complex and multifaceted and they often mirror the challenges depicted in these shows. However, in a country like South Africa, traditional axioms of “ukubekezela” (culture of endurance/resilience) play a significant role in this context, influencing women’s decision to remain in abusive situations. These traditional practices apply societal and cultural pressure on women to maintain the appearances of a stable family unit, uphold traditional gender roles and prioritise the well-being of their children above their own, often at the cost of their livelihood and ultimately of the children. Additionally, factors such as economic dependence, fear of retaliation or further violence, lack of access to support services and social stigma surrounding divorce or separation (often phrased as “breaking the black family”) further contribute to women’s reluctance to leave abusive partners.

In conclusion, if art imitates life, it is not a stretch to say that television shows have a responsibility to portray these issues sensitively and accurately, while highlighting avenues for support and empowerment for survivors of domestic violence. This is how we raise awareness and promote dialogue about the realities of domestic abuse in a country battling with violence as part of its legacy.

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