An engaged version of fatherhood can help us make significant strides towards attaining genuine gender equality and dismantling toxic ideas of masculinity that fuel gender-based violence.

By Kerryn Rehse, Advocacy, Policy and Research Officer MOSAIC

A well-known African proverb tells us that raising children takes a village, a reminder that child-rearing is work better shared within the framework of a supportive community. And yet, research conducted over five years by Statistics SA shows that 60% of South African children have absent fathers while more than 40% of mothers are single parents.

Although South Africa has an estimated two-thirds of fathers who don't live with their children, the benefits of engaged fatherhood exist regardless of whether a father lives with the child. The meaningful presence of a caring, involved father in their child's life from an early age is proven to impact early development positively. It is just as vital for young people. Both parents can live separately and still be present for a child, which can be achieved if we discard patriarchal ideas of what it means to be a man and father and allow child-care work to be shared.

Sharing the burden of care is imperative in empowering and ending violence against women and transforming toxic masculine thinking and behaviour. The root of men and boys using violence, which often manifests itself through rape, physical, emotional and financial abuse, lies in the need for power, control and in gender stereotypes and toxic ideas of what makes a man.

We, therefore, need engaged fatherhood that provides opportunities to role model healthy and respectful relationships. A father who plays an active role in a child's life can influence the child immensely. This is a critical entry point to foster gender equality and challenge limiting gender norms and roles.

Sadly, the prevailing stereotype of bead winner or provider also robs fathers of the opportunity to be genuinely involved in their children's lives. Based on our work engaging men, we have seen how money plays a role in father absenteeism in parenthood. When fathers don't have money, they tend to stay away from their children. Others believe that the mother is best placed to nurture the child and that they do not have a role to play other than paying maintenance money to provide for the child's needs.

Let's move from these views of an ATM father - there to provide money and little else. Instead, we need to understand that some fathers might not have the economic means to contribute to the child's welfare but can uplift the burden on the mother in other ways by being physically and emotionally present and seeing to different care needs of the child.

It is for this reason that we also need to relook the textbook definition that describes absent fathers as "fathers who are unable to participate actively in the fathering roles expected in terms of social, emotional, economic and protective contributions and providing for their children." While this definition is okay on paper, it unfortunately also fosters the toxic belief that a man is a good father only if he provides all the needs in the description.

A more generous and gender-transformed definition of fatherhood will ensure the best outcomes for children, mothers, fathers, and indeed the whole village.

MOSAIC is an anti–gender-based violence (anti-GBV) organisation: www.mosaic.org.za