Positive and engaged fatherhood can help us make significant strides towards attaining genuine gender equality and dismantling toxic ideas of masculinity that fuel gender-based violence.

By Kerryn Rehse, Advocacy, Policy and Research Officer, MOSAIC

As with most successful collaborations in society, teamwork makes the dream work. Unfortunately, while the same rules should apply to parenthood, which should be a partnership, mothers are often left to tackle parenting alone or take on most parenting duties, even in relationships.

Fathers will need to get off the bench and become part of the starting lineup as active players in fairer, more gender-transformed parenting teams if we want a shot at attaining genuine gender equality in our very patriarchal society.

Research conducted over five years by the Human Sciences Research Council and the South African Race Relations Institute shows that 60% of South African children have absent fathers while more than 40% of mothers are single parents.

Although an estimated two-thirds of fathers in South Africa do not live with their children, the benefits of engaged fatherhood exist regardless of whether a father lives with the child. The meaningful presence of a caring, involved father in their child's life from an early age is proven to impact early development positively. It is just as vital for young people. Both parents can live separately and still be present for a child, which can be achieved if we discard patriarchal ideas of what it means to be a man and father and allow childcare work to be shared.

Sharing the burden of care is crucial in empowering women, ending violence against them and transforming toxic masculine thinking and behaviour. The root of men and boys using violence, which often manifests itself through rape, physical, emotional and financial abuse, lies in the need for power, control and in gender stereotypes and toxic ideas of what makes a man.

We, therefore, need fathers to show up through engaged fatherhood that provides opportunities to role model healthy and respectful relationships. A father who plays an active role in a child's life can influence the child immensely. This is a critical entry point to foster gender equality and challenge limiting gender norms and roles.

We cannot talk honestly about sharing the responsibility of raising children without mentioning costs. Engaged fatherhood includes sharing the financial burdens of childcare. Unfortunately, the overwhelming majority of single-parent households are headed by women, meaning that absent fathers leave mothers to shoulder the financial weight of childcare alone. In addition, unequal economic opportunities exacerbate the financial burden on single mothers. The vast gender wage gap, obstacles in career advancement and development, the lack of flexible work environments and comprehensive and affordable childcare options are just some of the challenges that compound financial pressure on single moms. These extra challenges often trap single mothers in low-ranking or low-paid roles or keep their households on the brink of poverty.

Taking absent fathers to maintenance court is an attempt to ease this financial strain and get financial respite. And yet, time and again, we see the profound injustice served when a father argues that he has no money or contests the required amount to contribute to childcare shared costs. Child maintenance regulations should be strengthened to encourage solutions that consider the child's holistic needs and promote gender-equitable solutions. If fathers do not have the economic means to contribute to the child's welfare, courts could mandate that they take over their other care needs. For example, where a father argues that he is unemployed, the court could instruct him to provide aftercare support such as help with drop-offs, homework, sporting game attendance, bath times etc. This would remove the burden of the unpaid care labour on the mother, who also needs to work to cover the financial gap that he cannot and help her attain a work-family life balance.

We also don't want to short-change mothers by not evolving the narrow role of the 'ATM father' – a father who is there to contribute financial support and little else. While some fathers are financially present in their children's lives, they nevertheless still believe that the mother is best placed to nurture the child and that they do not have a role to play other than providing for the child's financial needs. However, this does not relieve mothers of the demands of being the default parent, a position with endless operating hours that entails doing the lion's share of the day-to-day work of parenting.

We need fathers to roll up their sleeves and bring more than the proverbial food to the table to achieve genuine gender equality in parenthood.

MOSAIC is an anti–gender-based violence (anti-GBV) organisation: www.mosaic.org.za